


My family members are literal murderers

by FreakyVintageWallpapers



Category: Camp Camp (Web Series), Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Blood, David Adopts Max AU, FAHC Au, Minor Violence, One big happy murder family, Serial Killer Dadvid AU, Serial Killer David AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 23:44:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11611434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FreakyVintageWallpapers/pseuds/FreakyVintageWallpapers
Summary: David nodded absentmindedly, examining the blade closely, before bringing it high above his head.“Okay! Thank you for your cooperation! Now let’s finish thi-”The room was suddenly filled with the tune of “Oh Clementine,” and David looked as thoroughly confused as the man before him.





	My family members are literal murderers

“You want me to cut out your tongue? I said shut up.” David brought the knife to his throat in a silent warning. The man gulped, but shut his mouth obediently.

“Good boy.” David praised, bringing his other free, gloved hand to stroke the man’s cheek. The man shuddered, bile rising in his throat.

“Now, I know this might sound silly!” David laughed at a joke that was not unknown to the man.

“I heard, you stole from some good friends of mine! Silly, right?”

The man vigorously shook his head, “Nah, man, that ain’t true.”

David turned his head in a curious manner, his smile never leaving.

“Oh really? Than this must be a mistake. You’re clearly not a 6′1 male, white, age 30 to 32, with a small scar through his eyebrow, along with a tattoo of the name Martha on his neck.”

“And you clearly weren’t caught on camera carrying several large weapons that I know for a fact belonged to The Vagabond and the rest of Fake AH Crew!” David came closer to the man, who began to pull at the straps of leather that bound him too the chair.

David’s eyes narrowed, his large grin growing more and more sinister.

“Now, I’ll ask nicely only one time. Where are the weapons?” His playful tone had dropped, but the smile stayed.

The man whimpered, “I don’t know what your talking about, please!” David sighed, twirling the knife in his hand.

“You know, Geoff never said I had to get the whereabouts of the weapons. I could just kill you now, but he is such a dear friend of mine, and he’d be so grateful if you told us, it would definitely lighten the load.” David brought the knife to the man’s throat, applying the smallest amount of pressure to draw blood.

“Okay! Okay! It’s at…” The man stared past David and at the cement wall behind him, knowing what would happen to his crew if he said another word. David pressed harder and the man yelped.

“They’re at an abandoned airport outside of Los Santos.” David nodded, retracting the knife.

“That’s a very good boy! Now, one more question. What are you doing in Sleepy Peak?” David asked, voice filled with real curiosity.

“It’s, uh, It’s where Martha and the kids live. She moved from Los Santos.” He replied honestly, hoping that his answer would make the man feel some pity for him

David nodded absentmindedly, examining the blade closely, before bringing it high above his head.

“Okay! Thank you for your cooperation! Now let’s finish thi-”

The room was suddenly filled with the tune of “Oh Clementine,” and David looked as thoroughly confused as the man before him. David coughed awkwardly, his face growing slightly pink

David fished around the pocket of his apron, giving the man a patient smile.

He pulled out his phone and held up his finger, mouthing a quick apology.

He pressed the phone to his ear.

“Hey Maxy! How was school?” David resumed his usual demeanor, shocking his victim with the sudden sweet tone.

“Really? Well, I hope Nikki didn’t drink anything else after that. Uncle Geoff should be coming to pick you up!” David made vague noises of affirmation as the rather loud voice on the phone asked several questions, then casted his eyes to his victim.

“Stole from Ryan’s warehouse if you can believe it.” The man began to shake under David’s eyes, David began to twirl his knife once more, his lips pulling into a wicked grin, but his tough demeanor melted once more in a snap of a finger.

“I love you too, Max! I’ll see you soon, bye-bye!” David made a loud smooching sound before pressing a button on his phone.

“Sorry, my boy was confused on why I wasn’t picking him up! Now where were we?” David drew close once more, the man screamed and pulled at the leather straps, but his fate was already sealed. 

 

\--

 

“Oh yeah, says who?”

“Says me! Ryan would totally sweep the floor with Michael. Michael is fuckin’ good with close range combat, but Ryan outweighs him easy.”

Geoff considered this and nodded, “Okay, Okay, what about Jeremy and Gav?” Geoff opened the front door for him, allowing the ten year old to step past him.

Max scoffed, “They’d fucking knock each other out on accident and then they’d fight over who fell first! What about Jack and Ryan?”

Geoff laughed and patted his head, “Lets hope that never happens. They might turn on me mid fight and take me out.”

Max nodded in agreement and made his way to the kitchen, surprised to see David standing at the table bringing out plates for a pizza that laid on top of the counter.

“You took care of it?” Max asked, and David nodded happily, bending down to press a quick kiss to Max’s head. Max rolled his eyes at the touch and shrugged it off, but gave David an honest half hug in return.

“Yep! It’s being cleaned up by the Team Nice Dynamite Cleaning Crew.” David gave Max a sly wink, and Max smiled back while Geoff laughed. As if on cue the rest of the crew began to pile into the cabin, chatting and laughing as Gavin complained about the blood staining his new shirt.

“Hungry, Maxy?” David asked, drawing Max’s eyes away from the incoming swarm of people. Max nodded eagerly, approaching the counter before the other men could take the rest of the slices.

Before Max could grab a plate, he was quickly swept off his feet by a tall man sporting a leather skull mask, and Max smiled wide.

“Uncle Ryan!”

“What about Uncle Jeremy, huh?” The shorter male huffed, crossing his arms as he looked up at the boy who had his arms around Ryan’s neck in a tight hug.

“Do you ever come around to visit by yourself? Besides, I have no respect for those who are over 20 and are the size of a ten year old.” Max puffed out his chest a little as the others laughed, and was especially happy to get a chuckle out of Ryan.

Ryan carried Max to the living room and away from the others who were squabbling over a singular bread stick, as David made his son and himself a plate.

“You been good?” Ryan asked, sitting on the couch with the younger boy in his lap, then removing his mask to reveal his painted face.

Max shrugged, “As good as a boy whose family is literal murderers can be.”

**Author's Note:**

> Haha Thank you for reading this! I think this might be something cool to continue! Some with the FAHC other's with just our favorite camp dad and grumpy son! Check out my tumblr for other stories @campcambellistheplaceformeandyou


End file.
